roses smell when they rot

slowly,

slowly

you fall in slow-motion:

eyes wide

as you realize you are falling

and as your hand is ripped

out of mine

ruby lips agape

i’m entranced by the shock

that is spread across your face

the shock that you feign

because, c’mon-

we both saw this coming

but unlike you,

i opted to cross

the street and let you go

 

your head smacks the ground

splitting open like a juicy watermelon

the fresh flesh gushing out of the cracks

forming rivulets that crawl over the pavement

like red highlights in your hair

 

© 2017 Vic Romero

 

 

 

August…

I just returned from my family vacation to Europe, and it was a wonderful time.  We went to Barcelona, Paris, and London.  It was for two weeks, so pretty much the entirety of August thus far.  I was nervous about going on a vacation that was so long and being isolated to with my family the entire time, but it ended up going really well: I didn’t confront any conflict with my family and although traveling had its ups and downs, overall, it was a nice vacation and I got to explore and see different things.

I prepared a lot for any emotional challenges I might face during my travels.  I brought lavender oil with me, my Kindle, my journal, different colored pens, PlayDough, chocolate, and all of the DBT packets from my therapy group this summer.  I didn’t use all of these tools during my trip, but when I did need something, they were very helpful.  I tended to use the lavender oil and my Kindle the most.  I journaled twice with my colorful pens.

Anyway…so I’m back to working my super-flexible job and I’m starting to plan how to plan for the rest of the summer and for my second to last semester.

Second to last semester!  It’s so incredibly crazy…I’m going to be graduating in May.

Continue reading “August…”

July…

In this month, I’ve come out to my parents a second time, my parents met my girlfriend, and I also got into my first fight with my girlfriend.

By “coming out” a second time, I just told my parents that I had a girlfriend.  My dad handled it better than my mom…not that my mom handled it terribly this time though.  My mom basically worried about my safety and my future, meanwhile my dad focused more on the fact that I can tell him anything and that he loves me.

Continue reading “July…”

Eat Your Heart Out

Below are four recipes I made this summer as part of my self-care journey.  I enjoy trying new recipes because it’s such a therapeutic process and the results are delicious!

All of my recipes have turned out well with the exception of the time I tried to cook with cauliflower.  I didn’t take a photo of the product; I ended up discarding it altogether.  I tried to make mashed cauliflower and the recipe had called for about a cup of chicken broth but instead, I had mistakenly added all of the chicken broth I had heated up.  The cauliflower became incredibly salty and super unpleasant to eat.  I was frustrated because I spent a long time making it, especially because I had never cooked or chopped cauliflower before.  It sucked to have the final product be so disastrous but…what matters is that I tried something new to begin with!

Whenever I think about cauliflower now, I start tasting the salty-nastiness of my failed recipe.  I will have to try the recipe again though so I can master it!

Anyway…the recipes below turned out really well.  I found them on either the Food Network’s In the Kitchen app, on Delish.com, or in People Magazine.

Continue reading “Eat Your Heart Out”

healing

i guess

it was too much to hold together

i expected too much

i guess

the stitches had had enough

of sewing broken things back up

i guess

the threads were weak

i guess

the outcome was always going to be bleak

 

© 2017 Vic Romero

 

Practicing Mindfulness

“I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.” -Mark Twain

My therapist recommended I try a counseling group that focuses on behaviors and emotions, and I went to my first session last week.  It’s only been a week as I write this, but it’s been insightful thus far.  Our first assignment is to practice mindfulness because it is helpful when it comes to reducing suffering, increasing control of your mind, and experiencing reality as it is.

Unfortunately, this assignment has gone to the wayside a bit since my dad had to go to the ER last week and spent three nights at the hospital.  That would’ve been a prime time to practice meditating because I was consumed with anxiety and the thoughts I used to have after my cousin passed resurfaced…I was experiencing very intense emotions.  I tried working out in the morning, which did help a little bit but…I didn’t deal with my emotions sufficiently I guess.  It all blew up in my face a couple of hours later when my mom was nagging me to text my aunt.  I erupted and we got into a dramatic fight…and she stormed out of the house.  Then I yelled at my sister until I finally broke down and cried uncontrollably.

Anyway…I forgot about this assignment but I will work on it every day going forward because practicing mindfulness would help regulate my mood swings.

I have practiced yoga twice in the last two weeks, which is a method for practicing mindfulness though.  I watched the Yoga with Adrienne videos that my good friend, Lana, recommended on her site.  I think I would rather learn the moves enough to do it on my own but for now, watching the videos and following along has been a little helpful.

Thankfully, my dad is doing pretty well and he’s home from the hospital, so my anxiety surrounding medical issues and death has decreased.  Instead, I’ve been having a lot of anxiety about my future.  I think as far ahead as a year from now, which is ridiculous because then I miss out on enjoying the present moment.

Continue reading “Practicing Mindfulness”

Surgery

Draw the blade over my quivering, pale flesh
Redness emerges between the folds
Increasing in volume as the seconds tick away
Until the needle and thread poke through and crosses the divide
Pulling tight,
Patching me up,
Fixing me of all that is wrong-
And making it right

© 2017 Vic Romero

First poem of the year…More creative pieces coming soon.