it comes in waves

the quietness envelops me as i’m sitting here alone strewn out to sea

i go back and forth with the waves up and down as my mind craves

unstable and emotionally dependent god i’m disgusting i’ve had enough i’m fed up

i want to end this attempt at psychological suicide that bears a heavy burden on my mind

i’m happy yeah i’m fine

but then the waves come crashing down i hear the roars in my ears

i cannot deal i cannot heal

with these thoughts swirling and

how can i make lasting relationships if i’m so pessimistic if i’m so hateful so self-loathing

so i turn to something like myself i turn to something distasteful

scrolling through the mounds of flesh they all look the same and ultimately i’m no better than before

i want i need i’m desperate for something more

i can’t remember why i loved her why i liked her why i loved him

heck i cannot even remember what it was like to feel something so overpowering that i could lose all rationality and only feel

so numb so dumb no fun is how i live how i try to live how i can only deal

and it’s so surreal it hurts although i claim to be healed

when it comes to stumbling across old messages to stumbling across old messes to stumbling across her

when i’m walking with my head facing the ground facing the floor

but tripping is to be expected when i’m not paying attention

because i’m always distracted by my thoughts of wanting more



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