Before the First Time (Memory #2)

“I’m sorry, Victoria.”

Those are the three words I heard the most often. They were often followed by “I love you.”

We were sitting in my car, I was crying and she was trying not to cry. I refused to look at her, and she refused to look away.

“I’m going to talk to my sister, I think.”

I nodded numbly.

“Can I have a hug at least?” she whispered. “A real hug?”

I shrugged and got out of my car. We met in front of the hood.

When her arms wrapped around me and her head was tucked into my chest, the tears overflowed. This…her being against me… it felt like it was where she belonged, and I wasn’t sure if she was going to stay. Or if she should stay.

She pulled away a bit to look up at me, and instantly my lips were drawn to her, wanting a taste.

“You never gave me those three kisses the other day,” I said.

She stood on her tiptoes and gave me four chaste kisses. “Now you have extra.”

I smiled and let her go.
I cried and pushed her away.
I begged and she came back.
Then she left again.

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