YOUR SILENCE WILL NOT PROTECT YOU

The title of this post, which is also the description for my website now, is a quote from Audre Lorde’s The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action.  We read her speech in my women’s and gender studies class and that particular quote really stuck with me.

I’m pretty shy…sometimes I’m too shy that I get overlooked and/or left behind but her speech really inspired me to stop shying away from speaking up, or “unzipping my lips.”

“You’re silence will not protect you” means that whether or not you say something, we’re all going to die anyway.  She says, “we fear the visibility without which we cannot truly live…And that visibility which makes us most vulnerable is that which also is the source of our greatest strength.  Because the machine will try to grind you into dust anyway”

You don’t understand my love for this speech, it gives me shivers.  If you want to read it (you really should), click here!

Anyway, I decided to change the description of my website to Lorde’s quote because I think “speaking my mind” (my original description) is a given.  The title of my website is “Unzip These Lips” so of course I’m going to be speaking my mind…but why am I speaking my mind?  How is yapping about my problems and my life beneficial to me or to anyone else?

I find writing therapeutic, like most writers, and by sharing my life sometimes I connect with other writers and create friendships.  But the therapy and friends isn’t solely why I write.  I also write because keeping my mouth shut about issues that are bothering me isn’t going to make them go away.  I write because I believe that my voice should be heard.  Not everyone will actually listen, but no one can say that I didn’t say anything, because by writing I am saying something.

I put all my cards on the table to my ex…I still love her, I still care about her, I still want her in my life although she treated me like a steaming hot pile of shit.  But at the end of the day, I won’t be mad or upset forever.  I will have moved on because I know I deserve better and everyone deserves compassion.  If she doesn’t want to reach out to me ever again, if she doesn’t want to be friends or even acquaintances, then fine.  It’s her fucking lost because I’m funny, kind…hell, I was a great fucking girlfriend she’d be lucky to have me in her life, even in a small way.  But at least I said something instead of wallowing in self-pity and hoping she’ll come around.  I gave her the opportunity to give me some clarity on what happened with us and I invited her to come back into my life.  If she doesn’t want to give me clarity and/or be part of my life anymore, then that’s her decision.  Too bad it makes her seem like an asshole for not giving me a response by remaining silent instead.  Silence doesn’t protect you…you’re going to die whether you speak up or not and sometimes if you don’t speak up, you just seem like a shithead.

I can go on and on with how I’ve “unzipped my lips” because “silence will not protect me” but I can also go on and on about how I have kept silent about things.

Being open and honest, and unafraid to speak my mind is something that I’m working on.  I’ve been working on it for awhile now, and I’ll probably always be working on it.  But when I get my diploma in four years (hopefully) I hope that I will have come out of my shell a lot more than I am now.

Anyway, that’s my little schpiel for tonight.  I’ll post my interview outfit pics tomorrow…I’m thinking to make a little schedule for these pics so I’m not positing outfits daily…maybe every Wednesday and Sunday I’ll post…I’ll see.

Okay, goodnight guys, gals, and everyone else!  Hope you all had a great Tuesday!

If you have a question, comment, or want to chat, please feel free to comment.  I love comments and I’ll reply.  Besides, your silence will not protect you.

xo Vic

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