I think this is one of the longest periods I’ve gone without writing since I got into online writing forums about four years ago. I haven’t been too busy to write, nor have I not known what to write…the truth is, I have been causing myself unnecessary mental suffering and not until more recently, I’ve mostly overcome it through the aid of counseling, exercise, and meditation. This first year in college has challenged me academically as well as personally. The hardest part of college has been navigating the personal development and growth, including the experiences that occurred before college, which continues to affect me. The last three weeks have proved to me that I am, and will continue to be, okay. Actually, I will be great.
Last night really proved it to me…
In the basement, I was setting up my laptop for our regular movie night. My friends were all reminiscing about our first days of college and how we all met.
“I came to your room, I think, and introduced myself because we were neighbors,” Anna recalled thoughtfully.
“Oh yeah? I don’t remember that…what did I say?” I asked.
She smirked and replied, “You said something dumb and then I was like ‘Wow, Victoria is so lame.'” She laughed.
“I know I met you through Victoria,” Ashwini stated, gesturing to Anna.
“Well, I met Ruthy first….and then I met Victoria…and she introduced me to you guys, I think,” Madison explained.
“I think we all met each other through Victoria,” Ashwini admitted.
Anna smiled at me and concluded, “She’s basically the leader, she should wear Raven’s sombrero!”
“Uh, no. I refuse to wear Raven’s horrendous sombrero,” I replied, laughing, as I popped in the Cheetah Girls 2 DVD.
For all of you that have not seen Cheetah Girls 2 (you are missing out), I will explain the metaphor. Raven united the Cheetah Girls. She is the leader of the group in the sense that she continually brings the group together, through thick and thin. By my friends declaring me as Raven, they were acknowledging how I have instigated the creation of a community that we all enjoy.
Since the beginning, I have been feeling alone at college. To compensate for that, I have been forcing myself to meet tons of people and then I would invite everyone I meet to do activities with me. Although I didn’t have someone I could truly trust, at least I was surrounded by people that enjoyed my company all the time. My fears and insecurities about being alone in college has caused my friends to meet each other, get to know each other, and get to know me. Due to my instigation and persistence, true friendships have blossomed for everyone, including me. Now, I don’t feel alone anymore. I feel like I have people I can trust and rely on at school now, and my friends feel the same way. Recognizing this last night made me feel really good and that utilizing my fears to propel me toward something amazing…something that I wanted but wasn’t sure I was going to find, such as friendships, is a legitimate way to achieve what I want. I don’t want to forget this moment where I felt proud of myself and happy to be surrounded by people that I love and that love me back. This year has caused me to reflect on many of the relationships that I have with people, especially the ones where I felt that I have been betrayed and…now I finally feel safe again. I expect that these friendships that I currently have will change over time, but in this moment, I feel like I belong somewhere. In the future, as I continue to grow and develop, I believe that I will always find somewhere I belong because I believe there will always be a place for me.
If you have any personal stories about friendship/college/anything, feel free to share! I hope everyone is doing well and enjoy the last few days of Women’s History Month!