After a couple years of deliberation, I’ve finally decided where I want my tattoo.
First let me tell y’all the story behind my tattoo…I wrote this at some point in 2012 or 2013:
I never know what to make of his death. For awhile I felt responsible, like I missed a sign from the universe or something, but I don’t believe in all that…spirits and ghosts and vampires and crap….so it wasn’t logical for me to feel that way.
Perhaps it was just a coincidence? I don’t know. I’ll probably never know.
What I do know is what happened…
It was the summer of 2009. My mom had asked me to make a get well card for my uncle, who had lung cancer. He was a smoker. As I was crafting the card, I popped in the new Green Day album, 21st Century Breakdown, which I had just purchased, and I started jamming out. (That CD was disappointing btw). Then this one song came on that really stuck to me. One of lyrics read,”Sending all my love to you.”
I thought that that would be lovely to add onto the card to my sick uncle, so I wrote it in and added a smiley face with hearts all around it. The card was officially finished.
The next day, after I had returned from school, my parents broke to me the news that my uncle had passed away. That he had died before I went to school but that they didn’t want to tell me because they didn’t want me to be distracted in class. My mom assured me though that he had seen my card last night when they had dropped it off, and that he had loved it.
I was heartbroken over his passing away. My uncle was super cool. He was hilarious and silly and really kind…I will always remember him with genuineness.
Later that day I played the track with the lyrics that I wrote in the card, hoping that it would comfort me and that my uncle would hear the lyrics in his permanent state of slumber. I was sending all of my love to him.
As I was looking at the CD cover, determining what number track matched up with the actual name of the song, I discovered that the name of the song was called “Last Night On Earth.”
It really had been his last on Earth when he had received that card.
Until last I had refused to listen to that song…it made me sad and the whole coincidence kinda freaked me out. I later learned that that song was written by Billy Joe Armstrong to his wife…so that would make the song a love song…not a depressing, death song.
I don’t know what to make of the whole situation. It’s weird and it’s almost too coincidental but it is what it is.
RIP Uncle Jerry
I’m still sending all my love to you.
His passing was my first experience with losing a loved one, and it really affected me. For a year, I drew broken hearts with wings and a halo on my wrist as I wondered if broken people still went to heaven. I’m not very religious anymore, so heaven isn’t something I’m concerned with anymore either…but the whole concept of dying as a broken person still resonates with me.
Did my uncle have regrets? Did he have unresolved issues? Did he accomplish all of his dreams?
I think people want to live a long time so they have ample time to achieve all their goals, both personal and professional, and die feeling like they truly lived. However, many people don’t have that opportunity, and even if they do, it doesn’t mean that their lives turned out the way they wanted them to. That’s not necessarily a bad thing though…but it’s something I consider once in awhile.
So since eighth grade, which was when I started drawing this on my body daily, I’ve known I wanted this tattooed eventually. This is the general idea of what I want…I may want to make the broken heart more gory though.
With all the recent passings of my family members, I’ve had a greater urge to get it. I’m thinking of getting it when I turn twenty as a birthday gift to myself, but I’m not sure how much it would cost and I currently have 9 cents in my bank account. Thanks, college.
Because I drew it on my wrist, I thought I would want it tattooed on my wrist. Upon second consideration, however, I don’t think I want it there. Aside from the fact that having a tattoo on my wrist may hinder my future goals in a professional environment, I also am queasy about having needles so close to my bony, veiny wrist, and I want the tattoo to be rather large so…I decided to get it on my thigh.
Other areas I’ve considered are my upper back, which is unappealing to me…I’ve also considered my shoulder, but I hate shoulder tattoos. Having this tattooed above my ass would detract from the sincerity of the tattoo…so the only option for me was my thigh. This way it’s hidden when I wear long, professional skirts, but I can still show it off if I wear shorts or a swimsuit or something.
I also want the lyrics “Sending All My Love To You” tattooed somewhere on/around it. I’m not quite sure where yet, but if I don’t decide soon, then hopefully the tattoo artist can help me figure it out.
Aside from having no funds for this tattoo, I also doubt I’ll have my parents’ permission to get it. My mom has a couple of tattoos but didn’t get them until she was much older, and my parents have pretty traditional opinions. Although I’m an adult and I don’t legally need their permission to do anything, they still support me financially and I don’t want them to retract their support, especially for school. I also don’t want to start arguing with them again.
I suppose I can wait until I graduate undergrad, but because I want to pursue higher education after that, I will most likely still be receiving financial support from my parents in some way. So I probably won’t be financially independent until I’m in my mid to late twenties…which isn’t that long to wait, nor will I be that old…but it kind of sucks that my decisions as an adult relies on their opinions.
Does anyone have any opinions or suggestions for how to handle this situation? Please share!