My Disappointing Lust Life

I’ve included this video clip in the post I wrote when I turned nineteen…I hate repeating things but I felt that this was so appropriate for what I want to talk about: my lust life.  AKA my love life but there has been no love so…I’m going to refer to it as my lust life.

Since school started in the fall, there have been four people I’ve toyed a little with.

He’s a little about it…I wrote this on the tenth of September I just never finished writing it:

Soooo my life has been pretty crazy lately. 

I moved back to college (hooray!) and I’ve lost two years of my life by how much I’ve partied during syllabus week.  Seriously, you don’t understand. My stomach is fucked up. 

I’ve had some romantic encounters during syllabus week as well. Prior to this week of partying hell, I thought my close friend (who’s a guy) liked me and I was kinda liking that…I would’ve happily hooked up with him because he’s beautiful. Then I realized he doesn’t like me that way and at first I was disappointed but then at a pregame at my friend’s apartment a couple days later, I met two other guys.

One of them…let’s call him Wazowski…he looks a lot like a guy I used to talk to back in high school. Wazowski doesn’t have the most appealing face to me but his body, hot damn. He works out daily and it is impressive. 

So I was kinda interested in Wazowski cuz I was fucked up and why not? I’ve been super alone and I wanted to experiment with guys. 

Story short: I spent two nights with him, and it was terrible. We didn’t have sex, not because neither of us didn’t want to (we both did) but he didn’t understand the importance of foreplay nor did he know how to respect women in his bed. So I shut him down and I haven’t talked to him since. Since then, however, I’ve been talking to his good friend. 

Apparently his friend, I’ll call him J, liked me the first night we met. I got pretty drunk that night though so I didn’t notice. I also tend to be oblivious when people like me even when I’m sober. Besides, he’s six years older than me and was in the marines so I just didn’t consider him a possible candidate.  Anywho, him and I had a great conversation the first night. When I spent that night with Wazowski, my friend texted me thinking that I was going for J, because J liked me. Therefore, following night I flirted with both of them. Usually nobody likes me so when two people are interested, I took advantage a little bit. At the end of the night, I had the option of going home with either of them. We were on J’s back patio and Wazowski walked off. I could’ve just gone inside with J but instead I dumbly called Wazowski, had him walk back to get me, and then left J’s place to go to Wazowski’s. That night was the most terrible experience I’ve ever had. Then everyone saw my walk of shame because there was a football game going on. I was the only one still in party clothes. 

After that night, I didn’t talk to Wazowski again, nor has he contacted me. Instead, I’ve been talking to J, who I thought wouldn’t be interested anymore since I spent two nights in a row with Wazowski. But he didn’t seem to care because we hooked up. 

We were going to go see a scary movie, The Visit, at my school’s movie theater. It was a free, exclusive, pre-release showing. We were going to meet up with other people but…

I didn’t finish this thought lol but short story short, we’ve hooked up three different times.  I haven’t had sex with J, the marine, though…I wanted to for so long but he’s kinda…confusing so I wasn’t sure if he was down.  So I straight-up told him after the disaster that was Halloweekend (that’s a story for another time).  He was shocked despite having hooked up twice before… I also told him I wanted to have birthday sex…but that didn’t happen.  Here are texts I sent to my friends back home about my birthday party:

My birthday was weird and a little disappointing…I had hung out with the marine on Thursday night and told him I wanted birthday sex

Only like 2 people I invited showed up to my birthday party..people that said they were coming didn’t come

The marine was there but played pong the whole night and so I barely interacted with him..I invited him to pizza after but then he just left

And I was like WTF..then as I was leaving the party I got my period altho I had it last week..so no sex for me even if he was down for it

I was gonna go to Manhattan yesterday, but I was having such a bad period I stayed home and then today I woke up without a period I don’t understand

I have an irregular period I already know this but it’s driving me crazy and so I’m gonna get back on the pill lol

Happy twentieth to me

I don’t think I’m going to pursue the marine anymore…I feel like I’m chasing him too much, even after I was straightforward about wanting his dick.  Maybe he’s not into it anymore but I don’t think that’s super likely since he was ready to go Thursday night but I wasn’t in the mood.  Besides, he’s leaving at the end of the semester and I’m discovering that I kinda like him…I feel like having sex with him would not put me in a good emotional position when he leaves.

Anyway…aside from the two guys, there were two girls I hooked up with.  I met one of the girls online.  We had class together so we began to meet up before every class…I really liked her.  She was smart and nice…I wasn’t attracted to her though.

I invited her to come out to the LGBTQ-friendly frat party with my friends and I one night.  We got drunk and hooked up…we also hooked up with some other girl.  I kicked a guy in the chest because he was being a sexist asshole about three women hooking up.

Then she and the other girl ran upstairs together and left me behind…when my friend came back we fought and I think she cried…? I was drunk, I don’t remember lol but she was really sad.  Then she confessed that she really liked me but was scared to make the first move.  That freaked me out because I wasn’t attracted to her, but it didn’t matter at the time.  We moved on and screamed “Bohemian Rhapsody” on the bus ride home.

I thought we were cool until she didn’t show up at our usual spot before class.  She didn’t text me back about not showing up either, so I confronted her about it and she made it sound like she felt obligated to hang out with me. That really upset me because I thought we were friends…so I said “forget it” and I haven’t talked to her since.  It sucks a lot because we have class together twice a week.

So yeah…my lust life has been disappointing.  I just want to meet someone…I’m done with disappointing hookups.  I never wanted to engage in them but that’s all that I have at the moment.  One day soon, perhaps.  I’m twenty now so something new must be in store for me, right?

-Vic

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