I ran into one of the friends that had said they were coming to my birthday bash but never showed up, at the dining hall. She apologized..apparently her pre-party nap caused her to sleep through the whole party. We ate breakfast together and chatted, it was really nice.
I had met her at a party about a month ago because she was friends with a girl who was friends with my friend. I liked her instantly and got her number, but I did not anticipate using it. I didn’t think I was going to see her again and when I’m drunk, I tend to collect the phone numbers of people I talk to for at least a minute, and I don’t usually contact them again.
But then I saw her again at another party and we talked the whole night. She’s super attractive and has a sexy voice so when she informed me that she just had a nasty breakup with her boyfriend and that she’s bi, I wanted to be the one to make her forget all about him.
In my experience, many women at universities nowadays identify as bisexual, however, they seem to pursue relationships and hook-ups exclusively with men. Maybe they identify as bi just because they find women attractive but do not necessarily want a relationship or to hook up with women…?
Other bi women I know hook up with women but only at parties.
I’m not trying to make rude generalizations about bi women at universities, but I have yet to meet a woman that identifies as bi at college and has engaged in a relationship with a woman. Then again, relationships in college are difficult to come by sometimes, in addition to other factors that may have prevented bi women from dating women.
The reason I’m bringing this up is because despite how many women I know that identify as bi, I do not feel as though they are actually interested in other women. I feel that most of them simply find women attractive.
Anywho, I was really hoping this girl would actually be interested in women, specifically me, because I was really crushing on her. But then last night happened…
She invited me to a party her friend was having. She picked me up in a pickup truck..some guy was driving us. We talked for the two minutes it took to get to the party and then the guy dropped us off. I leaped out of the car instantly, but she turned to kiss the driver before climbing out after me.
Despite how my heart was weeping in my chest, I nonchalantly asked her, “So, is that the new guy?”
She responded with a sullen-sounding “yes.”
I asked her why she was so sad about it and she explained that she didn’t know how she felt about him, but she was just going with it.
😦 <–that was my face before I even got into the party
All those fantasies I had of us getting drunk at the party and making out against the wall like the passionate, desperate twenty-somethings we were, flew right out the window in favor of some punk she was indifferent about. Plus, how did she find someone else so quickly?? Give me a chance, girl!
I just let it go when we went inside and enjoyed the night for what it was. The biggest lesson I’ve learned this year is that 90% of college experiences are disappointments, and you just have to learn to go with it. It ended up being a super fun night because I let the minor disappointment go! This girl is a cool friend and her friends were cool. I love meeting new people so I hope that I can bond with the girl and her friends more.
One of her good friends that I really connected with at the party walked me home. We talked for awhile at my home and it was nice until he put his hand on my leg and left it there. I moved my legs around, but he just put his hand back on my leg.
I realize I could’ve said something…maybe I should’ve been like “yo, I don’t want to hook up with you because 1. I am not attracted to you, I just want to be friends with you since you’re also friends with her and you seem super cool”; and 2. I don’t want to fuck up this new friendship I have with her by hooking up with you”; but I didn’t. He wasn’t instigating anything else with me, and his hand was keeping me warm, so I just let it go.
We talked about meeting up the following night to Netflix and chill, and he actually followed through and texted me about it the next day. If he hadn’t exhibited interest in me with his hand, then I may have gone to hang because I do like the guy…but I know he wants to Netflix and chill (aka have sex) and I don’t want to do that with him for the reasons I already described. Besides, I’m fucking done with Netflixing and chilling with stupid, horny guys. I want a relationship, dammit! I want someone to woo me a bit…granted, he did woo me a bit but I’m just not attracted to him, unfortunately. I really wish I was, I feel like he’s relationship material and I do like him…
It sucks…the people I am attracted to are unavailable or do not show any interest…meanwhile, I am not attracted to the people that seem to be into me. When will I find someone that is on the same page as me? Hopefully soon…in the meantime, I do not plan on hooking up with people anymore. I think I’ll just be patient and wait for someone that likes me and that I like. Unless I’m super drunk and/or I am feeling a good hook up. We shall see what happens…