Told in the Form of Facebook Messages
I met a guy I liked but he came on too strong so I told him I just wanted to be friends..we got drunk and then he convinced me we should kiss cuz people do it and ever since we’ve been hooking up
All the affection from hooking up has caused me to like him again, along with getting to know him better like he’s a nice guy but now I’m just not sure
I told him I liked him and that I want this to go somewhere and then he flipped like he said he didn’t want a relationship now but we can go on dates if I want..meanwhile before he was acting like all he wanted was me and it was freaking me out
Before winter break we were hooking up in my room every night and it made me feel bad like..I would want to watch a movie but he’d say how he wouldn’t be able to focus with me next to him or I would want to eat dinner with him but he’d blow me off
Then during break, we barely talked. He’s having family issues so I tried giving him the benefit of the doubt but idk…whenever we did text our conversations sucked like we didn’t talk about anything it was just bullshit
Now we’re back from break and I haven’t seen him yet..I’ve been scared to ask to hang cuz I think he’s playing me and I don’t know how to handle the situation..and he hasn’t asked to hang with me.
He texted me the other night that he was back and was drinking with friends and in my mind I’m like wow I guess u don’t consider me a friend since u didn’t invite me
Instead, you’re sitting with s group of people texting me
He’s said a million times while we were hooking up that if the romance thing doesn’t work out, that he still wants to be friends.
I just feel like that’s bullshit and like he’s anticipating it not working out cuz he’s not trying cuz he’s not interested
I suspect he doesn’t actually like me anymore for whatever reason..he used to send me cute texts and call me cute names but he hasn’t done that in..since November I guess but I didn’t notice much cuz we were seeing each other every day
I feel like he likes me enough to tell me he likes me but he doesn’t see this going anywhere and doesn’t want it to..he just wants someone to suck his dick and I’m conveniently here and alone.
And because of that assumption I’m making, I also don’t believe we’re friends because I feel like he’s taking advantage of me and I don’t want to be friends with someone that is so selfish to do that to me
It just sucks..I met him through a mutual friend I adore and she doesn’t think he would play me but idk..
I mean he texts me once in awhile asking watsup but that doesn’t mean he likes me or respects me
And it drives me crazy that he instigated hooking up with me after I had a long convo with him about how I just wanna be friends and how I can’t hookup with people anymore cuz it makes me upset
And it’s bugging me that he hasn’t been interested in hanging out with me altho I literally live down the street from him
I told him everything just now and he looked so sad..he wouldn’t look me in the eyes and his eyes were watery and then he bolted out of the building so..dunno if he’s gonna contact me again
I was like “look, I still really like u” and he was like “yeah, I still wanna be friends” and I was thinking..do all your friends suck your dick????
I suspect we’re on different pages cuz he was really adamant about the friend thing..he kept asking me if I still wanted to be friends and dude no, I don’t wanna be your friend I don’t suck my friend’s dicks, date me! Or actually be my friend and not hook up with me!!
I told him in the beginning that that’s not what I want. Then he said we can go on dates but that’s never happened..we only hang out in my room in my bed
I know he is..or at least was attracted to me..he came on too strong which was why I said I just wanna be friends..then he kissed me..lolol yeah but I know for a fact he actually liked me before
I just wanna be woo-ed, and I wanna woo him. Or just be friends. I don’t want friends with benefits cuz I told him it only makes me sad
I never wanted friends with benefits!! And I feel like he manipulated me into that situation with an empty promise of dates
Nothing was resolved
He invited me to his party
I went with my friend who’s best friends with him
I watched him flirt with some other “best friend”
And then I kicked things and trekked in the snow back home all alone
And now I am numb
I don’t need him to validate my self worth
But it was too soon to “just chill with him”
Especially since nothing was resolved
I’m so unhappy
This is temporary tho
Someone else will woo me I’m sure
I wanna be wooed
I wanna woo
It’s just not gonna be him unfortunately
at some point I wanna talk to him about everything one more time to make sure we’re on the same page and I’m gonna put it out there that I would prefer to be with him but Tay*, my friend who introduced me to this guy cuz she’s best friends with him, believes that we just met at the wrong time like he’s on a different page in his life right now and he needs to focus on himself..it’s just making me so mad that I’m realizing this now..after spending all that time hooking up with him and believing that it would go somewhere but clearly it’s not..I think it’s in my best interest to put myself out there, make it very clear what I want and then move on. I have bad luck I think..it’s so hard for me for some stupid reason
It is hard cuz it requires me being vulnerable and he has all the power to determine how to act..it fucking sucks. I just can’t believe..I seriously thought he liked me way more than he actually does this entire time. I’m so pissed about it..and I spent all day yesterday feeling so sad cuz I assumed he was upset still and that he wouldn’t talk to me for awhile and then he’s just like yo I’m having a party and I stupidly went I went and it sucked..well it’s fine if I have shitty luck I guess, but I don’t appreciate being played with, which seems to be the case clearly.
I texted him that I can’t be his friend right now so I don’t have to deal with it anymore..it just fucking blows
He was just like “I understand, do what u gotta do 🙂 take care”
I wasn’t expecting him to step up but I would’ve preferred no response honestly
I put myself through a lot of shit just to get to this point of ending it, I’m not sure if I’m all that mature but I try
I spent yesterday and today crying tho and the last couple days too so I just..yeah it finally hit me like wow I should get rid of this guy
I’m angry with him cuz he totally manipulated me into a situation I didn’t wanna be in and he led me on but whatever
I unfriended him on FB and I’m gonna delete the pics from my phone
And I shall hold out for someone that actually wants to be with me and commit to me but in the meantime focus on myself
I sound so empowered but I don’t feel super great
But I will feel great eventually
I feel like this is a breakup but we never fucking dated like my life is stupid sometimes
And now his best friend [Tay] whom I love so deeply is shockingly coming over I didn’t think she would come since its blizzarding still
She doesn’t know I ended it yet but she’s heard all my shit..meh
© 2016 Vic Romero