Practicing Mindfulness

“I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.” -Mark Twain

My therapist recommended I try a counseling group that focuses on behaviors and emotions, and I went to my first session last week.  It’s only been a week as I write this, but it’s been insightful thus far.  Our first assignment is to practice mindfulness because it is helpful when it comes to reducing suffering, increasing control of your mind, and experiencing reality as it is.

Unfortunately, this assignment has gone to the wayside a bit since my dad had to go to the ER last week and spent three nights at the hospital.  That would’ve been a prime time to practice meditating because I was consumed with anxiety and the thoughts I used to have after my cousin passed resurfaced…I was experiencing very intense emotions.  I tried working out in the morning, which did help a little bit but…I didn’t deal with my emotions sufficiently I guess.  It all blew up in my face a couple of hours later when my mom was nagging me to text my aunt.  I erupted and we got into a dramatic fight…and she stormed out of the house.  Then I yelled at my sister until I finally broke down and cried uncontrollably.

Anyway…I forgot about this assignment but I will work on it every day going forward because practicing mindfulness would help regulate my mood swings.

I have practiced yoga twice in the last two weeks, which is a method for practicing mindfulness though.  I watched the Yoga with Adrienne videos that my good friend, Lana, recommended on her site.  I think I would rather learn the moves enough to do it on my own but for now, watching the videos and following along has been a little helpful.

Thankfully, my dad is doing pretty well and he’s home from the hospital, so my anxiety surrounding medical issues and death has decreased.  Instead, I’ve been having a lot of anxiety about my future.  I think as far ahead as a year from now, which is ridiculous because then I miss out on enjoying the present moment.

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Absolutely Wonderful

Have you ever learned something new about someone and then spend hours and hours reflecting on old memories and things they did or said that seemed weird to you just…make more sense?  Or now you have a greater understanding of who they truly are?

The other day, my girlfriend opened up to me more about her past and…I’ve been reflecting on memories I have with her.  My opinion about her hasn’t changed but…I feel closer to her because I feel like I know her a little better than before.  And before I felt like I knew her pretty well so…it’s intense I guess.  Intense in a good way.

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JZ

[[Play]]

 

my blue lips stain your pillowcase

that’s covered in my twisted, stray strands

i stare down into your beautiful face

tracing it with my cold, shaking hands

 

you see, you’ve been making laps around my mind

your long legs making great strides

or better yet, with my legs, intertwined

you have my mind preoccupied

 

you make me glow

and my cheeks are always sore from laughing

do you want me, though?

i’m afraid what we have could quickly come down, crashing

 

and i don’t want that

 

until you, i didn’t think my heart was capable of pitter-pattering anymore

ever since my veins had been cut and frayed

my heart still isn’t quite healed from the war

but i’m trying to be unafraid

 

of feeling this way for you

i hope you want “us” to go somewhere too

 

© 2016 Vic Romero

~Happy New Year!  I hope y’all are doing well, blog coming soon! xx

 

 

 

 

Climbing the Beanstalk?

Soooo…about that guy that I mentioned in my last post…the one that had put his hand on my leg and wanted to Netflix and Chill and I wasn’t into at all?

Welp…now I’m quite infatuated with him.

I contacted him when a couple of times after bailing on plans to Netflix and chill with him.  Both times I contacted him, I was sad and a little drunk.  But we texted back and forth for a couple hours and…he’s kind of amazing?

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Woo Me

I ran into one of the friends that had said they were coming to my birthday bash but never showed up, at the dining hall.  She apologized..apparently her pre-party nap caused her to sleep through the whole party.  We ate breakfast together and chatted, it was really nice.

I had met her at a party about a month ago because she was friends with a girl who was friends with my friend.  I liked her instantly and got her number, but I did not anticipate using it.  I didn’t think I was going to see her again and when I’m drunk, I tend to collect the phone numbers of people I talk to for at least a minute, and I don’t usually contact them again.

But then I saw her again at another party and we talked the whole night.  She’s super attractive and has a sexy voice so when she informed me that she just had a nasty breakup with her boyfriend and that she’s bi, I wanted to be the one to make her forget all about him.

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