I just returned from my family vacation to Europe, and it was a wonderful time. We went to Barcelona, Paris, and London. It was for two weeks, so pretty much the entirety of August thus far. I was nervous about going on a vacation that was so long and being isolated to with my family the entire time, but it ended up going really well: I didn’t confront any conflict with my family and although traveling had its ups and downs, overall, it was a nice vacation and I got to explore and see different things.
I prepared a lot for any emotional challenges I might face during my travels. I brought lavender oil with me, my Kindle, my journal, different colored pens, PlayDough, chocolate, and all of the DBT packets from my therapy group this summer. I didn’t use all of these tools during my trip, but when I did need something, they were very helpful. I tended to use the lavender oil and my Kindle the most. I journaled twice with my colorful pens.
Anyway…so I’m back to working my super-flexible job and I’m starting to plan how to plan for the rest of the summer and for my second to last semester.
Second to last semester! It’s so incredibly crazy…I’m going to be graduating in May.
Continue reading “August…”
In this month, I’ve come out to my parents a second time, my parents met my girlfriend, and I also got into my first fight with my girlfriend.
By “coming out” a second time, I just told my parents that I had a girlfriend. My dad handled it better than my mom…not that my mom handled it terribly this time though. My mom basically worried about my safety and my future, meanwhile my dad focused more on the fact that I can tell him anything and that he loves me.
Continue reading “July…”
“I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.” -Mark Twain
My therapist recommended I try a counseling group that focuses on behaviors and emotions, and I went to my first session last week. It’s only been a week as I write this, but it’s been insightful thus far. Our first assignment is to practice mindfulness because it is helpful when it comes to reducing suffering, increasing control of your mind, and experiencing reality as it is.
Unfortunately, this assignment has gone to the wayside a bit since my dad had to go to the ER last week and spent three nights at the hospital. That would’ve been a prime time to practice meditating because I was consumed with anxiety and the thoughts I used to have after my cousin passed resurfaced…I was experiencing very intense emotions. I tried working out in the morning, which did help a little bit but…I didn’t deal with my emotions sufficiently I guess. It all blew up in my face a couple of hours later when my mom was nagging me to text my aunt. I erupted and we got into a dramatic fight…and she stormed out of the house. Then I yelled at my sister until I finally broke down and cried uncontrollably.
Anyway…I forgot about this assignment but I will work on it every day going forward because practicing mindfulness would help regulate my mood swings.
I have practiced yoga twice in the last two weeks, which is a method for practicing mindfulness though. I watched the Yoga with Adrienne videos that my good friend, Lana, recommended on her site. I think I would rather learn the moves enough to do it on my own but for now, watching the videos and following along has been a little helpful.
Thankfully, my dad is doing pretty well and he’s home from the hospital, so my anxiety surrounding medical issues and death has decreased. Instead, I’ve been having a lot of anxiety about my future. I think as far ahead as a year from now, which is ridiculous because then I miss out on enjoying the present moment.
Continue reading “Practicing Mindfulness”
This is the first self-care post!
If you’ve read any of the three posts I’ve written since I returned from my hiatus, you would understand that I’ve been overwhelmed by heavy emotions and that I’ve been taking measures to improve my mood and well-being. I’m currently on summer break and although I’m working two part-time jobs, they are jobs I can do from home and I have flexible hours so I have been able to ensure that I’m making self-care my priority!
Methods that I’ve taken to improve my well-being include working out, writing, and cooking.
I won’t be delving too much into my workout because I’m still trying to consistently go to the gym. For two weeks I went twice a week and last week I went three times, so now I’m trying to go three times this week too. I go for about 20-30 minutes…I want to eventually increase the sessions. Otherwise, there’s nothing noteworthy about my workout (yet).
I’m not going to explore the writing method because I share all my publishable writing on here; therefore, I will solely be exploring cooking in these posts! If I start getting into another type of self-care habit, I will definitely share it with y’all but in the meantime…I’ll only be talking about food.
Continue reading “Becoming a Food Network Star”
I’m bored with all of the books I’ve been trying to read and with all of the shows I want to watch so I decided it was about time to come on here and write again. So…yeah..I’m ending my Fall-Out-Boy-esque-hiatus now. My hiatus was not five years nor did I release an underrated, killer record before going on break and then proceed to get married, launch a solo career, or have children during my hiatus…but this has been the longest break I’ve taken from writing on here, and in general, since…my sophomore or junior year in high school. It’s a little unfortunate I didn’t write because I like to document my life, thoughts, and feelings…but everything seemed so…heavy at the time and the idea of writing anything…I didn’t perceive it as therapeutic.
During the last month or so, however, I have been documenting random thoughts/feelings into a journal by hand to at least get them out there and then I would organize them into the different Bullet Journal prompts I had going.
Anyway! I am going to resume writing again. I’ve been having an urge to write creatively over the last week or so…hopefully I can do some of that because I miss that. In the meantime, I’ll blog a bit about what’s going on and I’ll start with an update since a bunch has been going on!
Continue reading “Save Rock and Roll (Save Myself)”
I’m having surgery again tomorrow, but unlike last time, I’m not afraid because I already know what to expect. Nonetheless, I’m not particularly thrilled about it, although it will be better to go through the surgery than to avoid it.
The surgery I had before, and the one that I’m having again, isn’t super serious; it’s purely a dermal procedure to ensure that I don’t have skin cancer and that I don’t develop it from what’s been considered atypical. Despite this, the fact that I have to get surgery “to be safe” and “to check” for these things has confronted me with mortality more than before. Then, a month after my first surgery, my cousin was killed, which was devastating in itself while also further contributing to these thoughts about mortality.
Continue reading “The Eve Before More Surgery”
Yesterday (11 Oct) was National Coming Out Day, which caused me to think about my late cousin. She was the first family member I came out to and the second person I told overall, and she insisted my parents would still love me if I was able to fall in love with women. I miss her every day. She was so easy to talk to and never judged me for whatever crazy shenanigans I was getting myself into.
Anywho, I didn’t write anything new to celebrate National Coming Out Day, but I attached the link to the post that includes the texts I sent to my cousin about my sexuality here. Unfortunately, I didn’t include her responses…I’m sure I have them on my old phone or laptop, but I don’t have those items with me now.
For other “coming out” posts, you can just search that phrase on my website. There is a variety of poetry, stories, and blogs about my journey, which has been difficult and long…it doesn’t feel over either. Since the relationship that spurred me to come out in the first place ended two years ago now (wow, time flies), and since I’ve moved out of the house for most months of the year due to university, I sometimes feel like my sexuality has been…erased.
Continue reading “Almost Three Years Later”