2018

Happy New Year, everyone!

I’m currently enjoying my last winter break before my last semester of school begins, and I wanted to take some time to write about some goals for this year! This year will be more tumultuous than any previous year I’ve had because I will no longer have the consistency of school that I’ve had in my life for my entire life. It’s simultaneously exciting and dreadful, but I think reflecting on this past year as well as setting out some goals for this year will be beneficial.

First, let’s reflect…

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This is Scarier than Halloween

I just finished sending…at least 10 job applications out.  My creative writing class this morning got cancelled because my professor is sick so I took the down time to do that since later I want to focus primarily on my senior honors thesis.  I have a five-page proposal due on Monday so I would like to write two pages today and finish it up by Friday so I can submit it to my advisor.  I feel like this may be a far-reaching goal but I’ve been pretty focused lately so hopefully I can bang out out five pages before the weekend, which would give me ample time to revise it.

Anyway…I feel like I’ve been a little frazzled lately…I don’t even remember if I disclosed that I’m doing an honors thesis and if I’m taking creative writing!  Well..I’m doing an honors thesis and I’m taking a creative writing.  It’s awesome because they’re both forms of writing that challenge different areas of my brain.  The class is part of my initiative to keep writing for myself…last year I kinda disappeared because I had all this sadness pent up inside and I didn’t even know where to begin to write but…I figured it out with some time and patience and I’m back to writing pretty regularly.

There are a couple of articles though that I’ve been putting off posting…it’s just a matter of me sitting down and taking the time to paste them here.  Perhaps I’ll do that tonight during a break from thesis writing.

I wanted to come on here to express my stress about my life after college…which has pretty much all that I’ve spoken about.  My girlfriend is more excited about it than I am, but she still has another year of school.  I don’t know…I don’t know if I should’ve planned differently but at the same time…I need to stop comparing myself to others, even if they have similar career interests and/or majors.  I’m on my own damn path, and it’s awesome and I’m going to flourish!

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Mopey (Sophomore Slumping)

I wrote this with the intention of posting it around the beginning of the New Year but clearly, that is not the case.  I’ve decided to make the first of February my New Year since January wasn’t my favorite month and I feel like I fucked many things up so…Happy New Year!! Whooooo!

Here’s the original post:

The spark I had last year has long been extinguished and I just..feel like crap constantly. The fall semester sucked because I didn’t like many of my classes, my social life consisted of flaky, asshole friends and getting wasted every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday to forget about the rest of the week, hooking up, not working out, and I have had no drive, motivation, or self-pride.

It’s been really bad. I thought winter break would help me feel better but instead I’m even more mopey. I have a trip next week to DC, which I was super ecstatic for last year but now I could give less of a shit. Ugh. I need to get out of this sophomore slump or else I’m gonna be miserable and fuck myself over so…here are a list of goals, or cinnamon goals as Hannah Hart says, that I have for myself this year to make the spring semester my comeback of the year.

2016 Cinnamon Goals!! Whooo!
  1. Go to the gym two times a week. – I got really buff last year, but I’ve completely let myself go. So all through the rest of January and into February, I’m going to go to the gym twice a week. Then, as I rebuild some confidence and maintain this routine, I’ll increase the frequency to three times a week in March.
  2. Party less. – Instead of partying three times a week, I’m going to reduce it to one time a week. Three times a week was a lot of partying..I often didn’t get up until 1am so my weekends were super unproductive, especially considering how that only gave me a couple hours to do work because the pre-games started at 8pm. (An exception to this rule is syllabus week).
  3. Engage more with people that reach out to you. Focus less on people that don’t. – Every time I got drunk, I texted this girl that never gave me the time of day…I got to stop! Focus on people that show that they care and want to spend time with me! I also need to hang with people that actually like to do activities with me, not just party. I want well-balanced friends. Lastly, I need to stop trusting people instantly and assume we’re best friends. It’s always a disappointing outcome.
  4. Forgive those that have hurt me. I tend to hold grudges…many of them being subconscious. I’ve realized this when it comes to my parents and as I’ve become more romantically involved with someone new. Old wounds that I thought had healed with time actually never healed, they still hurt. Time only covered them up by allowing the pain to dull for awhile. For some bizarre and awful reason, I am convinced that how I was treated by cruel people before, I’ll be treated like that again by everyone I meet. I need to work through these thoughts and focus on letting them go. I’m not sure how to go about it though..therapy again? Yoga? I don’t know. I need to figure this out..any suggestions?
  5. Join another club. It’ll help me meet more people and it’ll inspire me, which I desperately need.
  6. Speak my mind, because my silence will not protect me. – Be unafraid to share my romantic emotions. Be unafraid to ask for what I want.
  7. Have alone time twice a week. – One of these days should be during the week to give myself a break, and another day should be on the weekend, instead of partying.  Value myself more.
  8. Get closer to my family. -Be less afraid to be myself around them. Bond with them more.
  9. Research/Internship. -If not this summer, definitely next summer.
  10. Learn how to blow bubbles with gum. – When everyone was learning how to blow bubbles, I had braces so I never learned.
  11. Stop apologizing for being an adult who is still learning what matters, who matters, and which direction to go. – Thought Catalog 

In March or April, maybe I’ll follow up with my progress and/or additions to my Cinnamon Goals.

What have been your goals for 2016, and how are they coming along??

xx Vic

Prologue: Learning to Lead

I’m going on a week-long conference starting tomorrow. I’ve both been dreading it and excited about it…hopefully it goes well. I made fancy business cards and I have copies of my resume…so I’m prepared at least. 

I’m going to blog a little about this trip to reflect upon what I’m learning. Here are some things I want to get out of the conference:

Goals

  • I’m hoping this trip will provide me with some clarity about what I want to do upon graduation. 
  • I would also like to network, possibly land a summer job.
  • I want to explore the city too. 

I have some other posts coming up as well. I made a Cinnamon Goals list for 2016 with a vision board, I’m pretty excited about it! I think it’ll help keep me on track this year because I felt like this year I fell a little off the wayside. 

I hope y’all had a great weekend!

xx Vic

Finding My Passion

During summer orientation, I fell in love with an improv club.  They performed a skit about sexual assault in college, and it was mind-blowing.  I had never seen anything like it before…it was raw, emotional, and provocative. I wanted to see how I could get involved during my first year of college, so I signed up.

In college, I attended a variety of clubs, but the improv club was the only club that I loved.  I don’t act, but the club isn’t solely a performance club.  During meetings, we played games, ate food, had discussions about interpersonal violence…and unlike other clubs that I had attended, everyone in this club was welcoming and friendly.

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Positive Energy Is Coursing Through My Veins

I have one more week of winter break and then I’m back to school, and I honestly can’t wait. I’m excited to start the spring semester and experience all that college has to offer both academically and socially for me. I feel so different already after one semester, some people that I haven’t seen since I went to college noted how I’ve changed a bit and I can’t wait to change even more. I’ve been feeling so positive and upbeat lately, it’s so refreshing after having been bogged down by a ton of bullshit during my first semester. Lately, through the advice of my best friend, I’ve just been letting bad thoughts go rather than dwelling on them…and doing that was much easier than I thought.

This semester is going to be a little harder than last semester but I know I’m going to get through it because I’ve proven to myself time and time again that I can do anything. I just need to try.

Anyway, I plan on going back to writing more once my break ends but for now I just want to relax. I hope everything is going well for everyone!

-Vic