laborious thoughts

what 

is life after college?

 

creation of visual art

creating your own brand

and poetry

that represents deeper issues and meanings

of the universe

while

you travel aimlessly

to create

to survive

to find your own purpose

on this grand, fucked up-

beautiful globe

do you turn to spiritual practices

to see more clearly

the beauty of the mess?

 

or

 

is it about

working nine to five

FULL TIME FULL TIME FULL TIME

MEDICAL BENEFITS

COMPETITIVE SALARIES

R E T I R E M E N T plans

so you can move out

of your small, carpeted childhood bedroom

and into a larger one

with hardwood floors

that you share with someone that looks at you

with stars in their eyes?

 

are there alternatives? what are they?

 

what do i want?

 

© 2017 Vic Romero

 

Finally

I was ready this time.

I squatted with my back against the empty pickle barrels, tightly grasping the pistol, waiting. My hands were clammy and shaking, and I tried taking deep breaths to calm myself down. I didn’t want to miss again, not when I only had one bullet left.

I heard some loud footsteps nearby, presumably the graceless footsteps of the enemy. I leaned out from behind the barrel to get a better look, and sure enough, there she was. She was looking around the dim basement, her expression was frustrated.

Continue reading “Finally”

A Short Tale About A Tall Guy and the Shitty, Short “Relationship” I Had With Him (possibly to be continued)

Told in the Form of Facebook Messages

I met a guy I liked but he came on too strong so I told him I just wanted to be friends..we got drunk and then he convinced me we should kiss cuz people do it and ever since we’ve been hooking up

All the affection from hooking up has caused me to like him again, along with getting to know him better like he’s a nice guy but now I’m just not sure

Continue reading “A Short Tale About A Tall Guy and the Shitty, Short “Relationship” I Had With Him (possibly to be continued)”

Finally Re-Unzipping My Lips: Dating Again

I realized yesterday that’s it’s been six months since I’ve been in a relationship. It’s crazy how much has changed since then, and how much I’ve changed. I’ve become stronger and more self-loving after having accidentally putting my heart in the wrong hands. I now realize that the awful way I was treated had nothing to do with me. Despite knowing this now, it took me a long time to believe it. I spent that time beating myself up and dwelling on the pain she caused me. Now that I believe it, I still think about it though. 

Continue reading “Finally Re-Unzipping My Lips: Dating Again”

Dying Embers in December

I ignored the cramps in my fingers as I fervently knitted the hat I was making, pushing my pestering thoughts out of my head.  Although this was a soothing activity, which was something I severely needed after being berated, it was also a mindless activity.  I was trying to swaddle my bruised heart with the black yarn that gleamed with red sparkles, but it was futile.  No amount of swaddling would heal my heart…I had to heal my heart myself.  So I tentatively succumbed to my pestering thoughts, thinking that if I faced them head-on, I would be able to accept them better.  When I started paying attention to my thoughts though, they became louder and overwhelming.  I squeezed my eyes closed and began to think of something positive in a desperate attempt to push back the tears that I knew would soon be flooding my eyes.  When I reopened my eyes, all I focused on were the needles in my sore hands, using the pain to create something warm and beautiful.

© 2015 Vic Romero

“Bang The Doldrums” (AKA The Bullshit Breakup)

“Excuse me, excuse me!  Do you have a boyfriend?”

I stared at him blankly, unsure of the best reply but finally settling upon “I’m gay.”

His tall frame retreated back into the room and I heard a girl ask him what happened as the door clicked shut behind him.  I sighed and hid inside my room, feeling extremely uncomfortable and unhappy with my response.  Aside from the fact that I don’t even identify as “gay,” I felt a better response would’ve been “I’m uninterested” or “I’m in love with someone else.”

“I’m uninterested” was a bolder response that may spark a discussion though.  “Why are you uninterested?  Do you think I’m ugly?  You don’t even know me” may have been one of his counters, and being my timid self, I didn’t want to engage in that discussion.

“I’m in love with someone else” would’ve been the most accurate response, except I felt hurt for being in love with someone that didn’t seem to love me anymore.

Continue reading ““Bang The Doldrums” (AKA The Bullshit Breakup)”

Karma

she threw her torso over the edge of the bed and hung upside down. her hair swished back and forth, grazing the floor. her shirt rode up her stomach, revealing her belly ring and her hip piercingings.

“in retrospect,” she sighed, “nothing matters. if something seems shitty, look at it upsidedown.”

i laughed. “you’re so wise when you’re drunk.”

she put her hands on the floor and then puhed off with her legs, kicking herself over her head and landing on her feet, facing me.

“i’m not drunk, i’m serious,” she insisted. “you take astronomy! how insignificant is earth in comparison to the universe?”

“earth is really small.”

“yes! earth is like the point of a needle! and yet, we as people…we’re even smaller than that…and we get so upset!” she exclaimed, pacing back and fourth. “like you and that girl!”

“my ex?”

“yeah! she treated you like crap and you miss her?! no! fuck her! although earth is like the tip of a needle, there’s a fucking lot of people here that would treat you a million times better without even dating you! don’t miss her, fuck her!”on that note, she jumped onto the bed beside me and sprawled out on her back.

“wow, you really are drunk,” i noted, causing her to erupt in a fit of giggles.

“yeah…i’m feeling kinda dizzy now,” she laughed. “but i do mean what i said. move on, you deserve better.”

“i have moved on!” i argued.

she shook her head sadly and then close her eyes. “what happened to that other girl?”

i looked at her quizzically. “what other girl?”

“the one that you thought wasy babylicious! you basically drooled all over her!”

“hold up,” i interrupted, “i haven’t drooled over anyone, i’ve barely talked to anyone.”

“you’re full of crap! everytime we go out you wave to someone!” she countered.

“fine, but i don’t particularly like anyone…”

“i’m going to find you someone,” she said fervently as she took another swig of tequila from the bottle. “are you sure you don’t want any?”

“yeah, i’m okay,” i replied.

her face scrunched up as the liquid burned down her throat.

“i haven’t drank since…i realized i needed to break up with her. and that was a really low moment for me so i haven’t wanted to drink lately,” i confessed.

“victoria, that was over two months ago already,” she stated factually. “like i said before, move on”

“i have though!”

she shook her head. “when you don’t want to drink because you just don’t want to, then you’ve moved on. but you’re associating drinking with your ex like…we’re finding you someone new in the spring. we are not leaving in the summer without finding you someone that gives you butterflies and makes you blush and makes you feel happy and beautiful and deserving.”

“okay,” i said, giving in to her positivity and determination. feeling that way again would be nice. i smiled at her, grateful to have her part of my life. she returned my smile with glossy eyes and then handed me the bottle.

“here, you’re ready. you’re readier than you realize.”

tentatively, i took the bottle from her grasp and held it to my lips. the aroma was overpowering but i bravely downed a gulp. and then she screamed and hugged me.

“2015 is going to be our year,” she whispered and then kissed my cheek.

© 2014 Vic Romero