Not a Hollow Halloweekend

Since the fallout with my friend, I’ve been waiting to feel crappy about it, but I haven’t.   Granted, I was very upset for about a week and I had nightmares, but that was it.  I think about her once in awhile, mostly when I’m drinking, but that will diminish over time.

Perhaps I haven’t been so devasted because I subconsciously saw it coming.  We hadn’t talked much in last few months, the love I had for her was too intense to last, and/or the conflict of interest there was due to her relationship with her best friend…but at the same time, I didn’t think these things would result in the finiteness of our friendship.  I believed that if anything, we just wouldn’t be as close, which was okay with me.  Instead, however, we don’t talk at all.  She hasn’t reached out to me nor has she responded to my texts, even the ones where I was clearly upset.  It’s reminiscent of how my ex iced me out over two years ago now.

It may also be because I’ve been busy with school, my other friends, and that I have other more pressing concerns.

Continue reading “Not a Hollow Halloweekend”

Almost Three Years Later

Yesterday (11 Oct) was National Coming Out Day, which caused me to think about my late cousin.  She was the first family member I came out to and the second person I told overall, and she insisted my parents would still love me if I was able to fall in love with women.  I miss her every day.  She was so easy to talk to and never judged me for whatever crazy shenanigans I was getting myself into.

Anywho, I didn’t write anything new to celebrate National Coming Out Day, but I attached the link to the post that includes the texts I sent to my cousin about my sexuality here.  Unfortunately, I didn’t include her responses…I’m sure I have them on my old phone or laptop, but I don’t have those items with me now.

For other “coming out” posts, you can just search that phrase on my website.  There is a variety of poetry, stories, and blogs about my journey, which has been difficult and long…it doesn’t feel over either.  Since the relationship that spurred me to come out in the first place ended two years ago now (wow, time flies), and since I’ve moved out of the house for most months of the year due to university, I sometimes feel like my sexuality has been…erased.

Continue reading “Almost Three Years Later”

Greyness

Of course, he had decided to take the highway.  There was no traffic on the highway, so there was no stopping.  He must’ve known that if there was an opportunity to jump out of the car, I would’ve taken it.

I slumped down further in the passenger seat, my arms crossed over my body protectively as his words sliced through my skin.  He said we were having this conversation because he loves me, but I wasn’t feeling loved at all.  It wasn’t even a conversation; it was a lecture.  A lecture about me.  About what’s wrong with me.

Continue reading “Greyness”

we’re not friends

break it off yesterday because it’s not worth trudging through the dirt

i am lazy i am crazy am i the reason that this doesn’t work

i blame them and i hate them for all the hurt so much hurt

but i don’t try because i remember that i always forget i

am alone

at the end of the day i don’t have a say in it

i’m alone

and a sucker

take advantage just fuck her

selectively choosing when to trust

but i have proof that it was better before

before it was shiny but it’s all turned to rust

we’re not friends

we’re not anything

i opt out of seeing you anymore

but i’m afraid i’m making the same mistake

as before

 

© Vic Romero

Goodbye STC, AL

#rawwrite

snail mail

maybe you thought i was fishing for an apology…i was at the time. but for awhile i’ve been feeling more at peace and not needing that to get by…the gashes have been healing although the scars are still apparent and pain is an adjective i’m still feeling but i’m okay i’m better then okay, actually then you come around…jeez, you have a lot of nerve after i opened myself up and told you how you made me feel. honestly, you shouldn’t have said anything because you don’t mean it you shouldn’t have told me that you had loved me but you did…maybe to “do me a favor” too bad i’m allergic asswipe flavor you really should’ve saved your bullshit apology because we both know that you’re not sorry…but thanks for trying because you’ve only confirmed that i am better off without you

© 2014 Vic Romero

Layers Part III

Carry my heart
On your jagged hook
My lungs are
Punctured because of you
And you don’t care
Really, you don’t.
The knife just keeps searing me
My blood continues to flow
Enough eventually comes
Now I’m finally dying
Then you start to bandage me
Although I never hear an apology
Let’s forget you’ve ever hurt me
It’s easier than bringing this up again, right?
Zero chances I’ll ever let you back in
I at least have that much self-respect
Next time though I won’t allow you to
Get away with this fucked up treatment you fondly call “love”

© 2014 Vic Romero

(Acrostic: Compartmentalizing)
**image from Google