The Eve Before More Surgery

I’m having surgery again tomorrow, but unlike last time, I’m not afraid because I already know what to expect.  Nonetheless, I’m not particularly thrilled about it, although it will be better to go through the surgery than to avoid it.

The surgery I had before, and the one that I’m having again, isn’t super serious; it’s purely a dermal procedure to ensure that I don’t have skin cancer and that I don’t develop it from what’s been considered atypical.  Despite this, the fact that I have to get surgery “to be safe” and “to check” for these things has confronted me with mortality more than before. Then, a month after my first surgery, my cousin was killed, which was devastating in itself while also further contributing to these thoughts about mortality.

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Four Weeks Later

My surgery was about a month ago, if not longer, and it went well. It was a 20 minute procedure and I wasn’t in pain until the following day. The following day and all the days after that were miserable though. 

My mom and sister coddled me back to good health. They wheeled me around in the wheelchair, took me to class/tutoring/office hours (I was taking a summer class and unfortunately couldn’t live in my apartment for awhile due to the surgery), helped me out around the house, helped me wash my hair, etc. They were incredible, especially considering that I was a whiny ass sometimes because I hated being unable to function normally and I felt like my summer was taken away. At least the Olympics began during my recovery so when I wasn’t doing academic things, I was focused on watching the Olympics with my sister. 

Unfortunately, the week of my final exam was terrible. I was finally feeling better and able to hobble around a bit so I stayed in my apartment to focus on studying a couple days before the exam. I was stressed because the last exam I took, I did poorly. I didn’t do as poorly as that time in calculus when I thought I at least got a B but got a D instead, but I was disappointed nonetheless. Especially since I wanted to ace this class. That was the whole purpose of taking this class in the summer! After my second exam, it would’ve been difficult to obtain even a B+. 

So a couple days before my final, I sat in my room in my apartment studying/trying to focus on studying. Then I took my exam, which was tough despite the days I spent in solitude studying. The exam was only two hours and I don’t think it was incredibly challenging, but I kept second-guessing myself because my math didn’t make sense to me. I ended up being the last person in the room taking the exam. 

Immediately upon exiting the building, I burst into tears. Not cute, happy tears, but hysterical, ugly tears with tons of snot. What made it worse was that I only had one tissue and the bus back to my apartment wasn’t coming for another hour. I didn’t want to walk home since it was late and I was only able to hobble. 

I wanted to talk to someone about my exam to help calm me down, but I didn’t know who…I definitely wasn’t going to call my mom because slobbering on the phone to her would’ve made me feel worse. (She usually gets hysterical when I’m hysterical). Sometimes things happen at perfectly convenient times though. 

Right after I sat down on a bench, I got a text from a guy I met on Tinder last September. We never actually met up. I blew him off a couple times, not that we ever had serious plans to meet up anyway. Since Septemner, we’ve texted on and off…maybe once or twice every couple of months. He had texted me the day before my final so he knew I had a final, but he didn’t know when it was. His text came at the perfect time. 

I spent the next hour crying and texting him on the bench in the courtyard. He was perfect to talk to because we aren’t close at all so I didn’t care if I seemed lame by being so upset and because there was so much to learn about him, I was able to distract myself effectively by getting to know him. 

Then the bus finally came and I texted him until 1am in between self-pity shots of shitty pink lemonade vodka and episodes of Angel. 

The following day, I felt like crap and not necessarily from the vodka (although I didn’t feel super from that either) but because my doom and gloom attitude about my exam suffocated me. It was also a glum day outside, which tends to heighten my bad moods. 

I ended up missing the bus to work and having to pay for an Uber. At that point, I was sufficiently upset and pissed at myself and I just wanted to go home. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to do that, so I got an iced coffee. That’s when my day spun around. 

My summer coffee choice has been Dunkin Donuts’ Almond Joy iced coffee, especially after they stopped offering the Pistachio one. In my hometown, they didn’t have the Almond Joy flavor anymore but at school, they fortunately had some left! 

Coffee is comparable to alcohol to me. I’m sensitive to caffeine so it makes me all hyper and happy. Alcohol makes me feel relaxed and silly, but they both make me feel…better? I’m unsure if that’s the appropriate word but..it’s like, if you’re nervous for a party, you have a drink to loosen up. If I’m having a bad day, I have coffee to pipe me up. 

So I was at work feeling a little better, especially since the first-years were interesting to talk to. Then I found out I got an A in the class! Which seemed impossible based on my calculations but there was some extra credit involved and possibly a curve so…I was extremely happy. I proceeded to tell the Tinder guy and then I felt silly to have cried so much after my exam. 

Afterwards, a guy came up to my table at work. I recognized him from when I went to the movies back in June. He worked at the theater and somehow my friends and I had gotten into a discussion about sexual violence in the news with him. When he told me he was attending my university this fall, I insisted he come to orientation to check out my job since I work in this field and since he seemed pretty educated and interested in this work. At the time, he scoffed at the idea of attending orientation but low and behold, he was there! The last orientation of the summer happened to be one of the few days I was working, so I was able to run into him. Then we chatted, he signed up for more information, and got super involved during the part of orientation where we talk about sexual violence. He impressed my boss enough to earn free sunglasses! 

I love how things work out. 

When he left, I talked to another guy who complimented my hair. I thought it looked subpar that day so it was nice to have heard otherwise. 

So yeah..it was a rough week that ended well. That has pretty much been the tone of my summer. It’s been way less social compared to last summer with all the partying and working but..it’s been good nonetheless. 

I went abroad for the first time, worked two jobs a bit, read a bunch and finished Buffy, completed three credits with an A, and I just returned from a fun trip to Las Vegas! I’m healthy and I haven’t smoked since July so…this is good. Now I just have to finish getting ready for school in a week or so!

How have your summers been? Comment below!

x Vic 

Post-Summer Solstice

I haven’t been the greatest at posting these European blogs…or beginning to even write them.  I was determined to write all of the blogs about my trip on my trip because of how much time we spent traveling.  As per usual, I don’t follow through with my plans.

I wrote consistently for the first two days.  Afterwards, I just wrote lists of things I didn’t want to forget because I slept every time we traveled.  When I got home, I was too exhausted to bother with writing the blogs and a month later, I am just fucking lazy.  I’ll finish writing the blogs eventually because it’s important to me, but until then…I’ll be in the USofA, rotting away.

Since I’ve returned to the states, my life has been incredibly drab.  It’s not because the excitement and glamour of Europe has dulled my regular, old life, but rather, I’m in limbo right now.  Hell, I’m always in limbo.  I should rename my blog “Life in Limbo” or something lame like that.  (Speaking of my blog, I’ve been meaning to redesign it again.  Another thing to add to my To-Do list.)

The reason I feel like I’m in limbo is because I am very lost when it comes to what the fuck I’m doing with myself.  I don’t have a strict schedule so my days are all over the place, and I’m not the greatest fan of that.  I miss school for my hour-by-hour itineraries.  Fortunately, I’m resuming school in a couple of weeks, so order shall be restored to my life!  Until then, I’ll be in limbo.

Some things I’ve been doing while I’m in limbo include working!  Yes, shockingly, I got a job!

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The Aunts and Uncles of Amor: After Hours

My internship is coming to a close today and I’m already a little sad about it. I wasn’t expecting to be sad because I thought I would dislike it because 1) I’m working with kids, and I don’t particularly like kids and 2) these kids experience things that I have never had to. For example, some of them may be/have been/or will be recruited to join a gang. They may have had personal exposure to violence and drugs. An officer came in to talk to me and the other counselors during our training about how some of them may have tattoos, despite the oldest of them being fourteen. I felt unprepared to handle situations I may encounter with these kids, but instead it’s been great!

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I Love The Rain

Out on the street
Headlights illuminate the icy droplets
That pool at the feet
Of the passersby, always rushing

Hot air billows out of their nostrils and lips
As they huff down the street, their bodies water-proofed
Dare their bodies take a dip
Into the icy droplets that hail from the sky

Baggage weighs down their wrists
Frail from carpal tunnel
Determined strides to complete their daily to-do lists
They quickly walk through life

I watch them from the window, reclined in my seat
And cocooned in my sweaters and scarves
Sipping hot chocolate, delectably sweet
Relaxing while I watch their pointless rush

© 2014 Vic Romero

«Sometimes I’m that person that’s always rushing and has no time to fully appreciate my surroundings but I think it’s important to take a break every once in awhile and notice the little things…I hope you enjoyed my poem, I’m really happy and excited to be writing more. I’ve been feeling more inspired lately and I hope it continues. Hope your day is going well! :)»

**image from Google

Quick Update (AKA Rock Bottom)

Today, May 27, 2014, is my best friend’s 19th birthday and my 3-month anniversary with my girlfriend.

It should be a happy day but my best friend and I have spent it crying because her former boss is a stalker and emailed her at 12:01 am to say happy birthday, and my girlfriend lost her promotion to becoming assistant manager, she’s getting transferred to another store, and the other boss that didn’t know about our relationship now knows about us.

I am also bombarded with math tests and final projects this week, the week of prom and prom weekend.

I don’t know what’s going on with my girlfriend yet and my best friend is scared to leave her house for her birthday dinner tonight.

I’m really worried and upset about my girlfriend…and I don’t know if she’s mad at me..maybe she doesn’t wanna talk to me…which is okay, I understand but… I’m also scared to go back to work in two weeks now.

When I find out, I will make another post.

In the meantime I will be listening to Fall Out Boy and trying to calm down.

I hope you all are having a better Tuesday than I am.

Kiss Me Again

My girlfriend and I had our first date as girlfriends last Friday, March 14th.  We were supposed to have that date on March 7th, but instead I spent that day with her and a bunch of our friends.  March 6th was the day that I had been yelled at for dating her…I didn’t sleep much that night.  My girlfriend stayed up with me and texted me, trying to console me.  She’s been amazing and patient.

Anyway, last Friday we went on our date.  I told my parents I was hanging out with my best friend.  In reality, Janice* took me to an Italian restaurant but the restaurant side was closed so we just got pizza and we ran into all of her old teachers and my current accounting teacher there.  Then she took me to her house, I briefly met her dad then was led to her room.  She shares a room with her twin sister.

There was nowhere to sit except for the bed, so I opted for the floor, suddenly feeling very nervous.  I hadn’t been alone with my girlfriend for more than two hours for the past month…and the last time we hung out alone for more than two hours, we weren’t officially girlfriends.  As of that Friday, we have been girlfriends for two weeks and a day.

Janice teased me for looking so uncomfortable, especially when she deemed it a good idea to change her shirt randomly.  I looked at the wall, my throat constricting.  Then we decided to put on Perks of Being A Wallflower.  I had lent her the book awhile ago and she had just finished it, so we were going to watch the movie.  She suggested I sit on her bed so I nervously took off my shoes and flopped myself down on her tiny twin-size bed.

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